A week since I've blogged!
I'm here again to post another entry to keep my blog alive ^.^
How's everyone? Yeah, I know that December seems to pass by prettty fast,
vroom vroom,
Like a furious car. Yes, and that means less than two weeks away, I'll be receiving my National Exams' results.
Doomsday, I'm really afraid of receiving my results, I'm afraid of my languages. It takes one to kill it all. Imagine you get an A1 for the relative subjects then you get a C5 or 6 or even D7 for your English, it's called, 'The End'. The result slip will look ugly. It's been long since I last studied, and I'm not prepared to let my ears take any news about academics. My heart ain't even prepared for any heart attacks. I'm really hoping that I'll do well, up to my expectations.
These days, I really can't sleep. I've been thinking so much. All the (what ifs), all drowning my thoughts...
What if I fail my English?
What if I get C for English?
What if my raw score is a double digit >10?
What if I didn't get my usual A1s?
What if I can't go Junior College?
What if i get laughed at? What if...
What if....
What if.....
I'm really scared. I've allowed myself to play hard and sleep well these two months, as a reward for my hard work for the past three years. I really hope that my efforts won't be futile. I've prayed really hard for myself and tried my best. But to my mind, I've been instilled with the 'It's not enough' thought. I tried to comfort my mind, but nothing seems to be working. I once told myself, reaching my goal is a success, and being the top scholar is just bonus. Really? Anyone who understands me out there? Hell no. My mind is going like: Top scholar is not a bonus, but a do-or-die thing. I can't take this any more. I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want the feeling where you are like whoaaaa~, then your heart sink.... That's what I've once experienced at a young age of 12, and never in my life I want to experience it again. It just hurts so badly. It's as if the whole world turned their tables against you, and you are all alone to fight the war out there. So please, I really want some good news.
Been really bored these days by the way. Yeah, I attended the farewell by juniors yesterday too! Needed that totally, to reduce my stress level. Well, although the gathering was a short one, but it was really fun.
And.... I got the
Most Enthusiastic Award
Totally unexpected and expected at the same time. I mean, I didn't expect me to receive an award, but expected this award to BE MINE. I mean, I may be too enthusiastic some times, yet the smile I give all my juniors and friends when they're tired or down during casting really makes me go into a state of euphoria. When you make someone happy, you'll feel happy too. I really miss juniors and it was great that some of them stayed till night and we hanged out at McDonalds, talking and sharing a lot. ^.^
Awesome, indeed.
Oh yeah, so by the way, I've been practising Infinite's "Be Mine" 's Chorus dance. Haven't been dancing and singing a lot this year due to the exams. Now, I can finally enjoy myself and release all my stress with the dancing. So I'm done with the chorus part and I'm proud of myself. With no talent, I've made my hard work proven to be a success. I'm going to be a new me, taking on new challenges. I once vowed on twitter, that in 2012, I'll change. I don't only want to excel in my studies but I also want to try something new, and have more talents. I need skills, dancing, singing, all my passions discovered. So right now, would you be mine? My dear readers? ^.^
Bye yeom~!
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