#111 - Roller Coaster Ride

"Even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme",

"Good speed, that was the nicest shot so far",

"You did put in effort to study for it, but why such results?", 

"At some point in life, you are mature enough to the point where your words are convincing enough".

...

...

...

...

...

All these words currently running through my mind. Yeah, even the best falls down some times. I may be the best in my parents' eyes, but there also times when I don't perform, enough. Gotten back two papers, pretty much okay. Rather unexpected for physics, I'm really satisfied and was actually discombobulated at the moment I got back my paper. What should I say, I'm really proud of myself and thankful to my friends for helping me improve by 5 grades. Even though this is just a common test, nevertheless an improvement deserves my happiness. Maths was rather disappointing though, being as careless as before, placing myself in jeopardy. I passed, but not up to what I've expected. 6 marks away from my target seems so small, but that means a jump of two grades. Well, not really affected by that. My mind just keeps telling me that I don't want to be "banned" from hockey even though everyone's going to stop training together. I mean like, even so, I just want to have a clean sheet with all Cs and above since it's my target. Maths was so close, 1 mark away. This means I must really work harder, and I mean it. I'm gonna work hard because I don't want to be rubbed in again. What my mum said, (read above), I really felt like a loser and failure. To have studied for it and yet fail to reach my goals. I promise I'll work hard not to disappoint you. 

And to my dad, I know you're joking but the seasons should come at the right time. I got this grade for physics because of my hard work and effort. I earned this grade myself. You supposed that I'll get a D and the rest of the 10+ marks are purely bonuses that my teachers gave. No, you're wrong. Please don't say such things because you never know how hurtful jokes can be.

Negative thoughts aside, even though everyone was under performing in school on Monday's training, well I guess, what coach said made my day. I managed to send a lifted sweep into the goal with praises from coach. Thank you coach, I promise to work even harder. I really want to play well for NJ hockey and work together with my team mates to enter top 6 next year. We will train hard. Meet your expectations of <10 min for 2.4km, be strong in our basics and etc. Really, I'm thankful and I want to play more hockey in the future. This passion that I wear never dies (:

Kinda slacked my weekends at home away instead of doing work. Gotta gradually keep that down, and spend more time we the crapping group and study hard (: Thanks for occupying my weekends recently, studying with me to make me work hard. Love you all <3

Anyway, to the sweet group of people, we are really sweet.

(random)

Yeah, even though I'm not gonna name any of them here, yet they are really my motivation for school each day. All those crap, nonsense, pick up lines, jokes, study sessions, I really treasure them. You see, being the only one from your school, coming to a foreign ground, you really need all these. 

Really tired out, drained physically and mentally. All those bullshit and misery, let's end it all soon. May the upcoming papers be in my favour, please show me good grades. Really hope so, and also to perform well in tomorrow's training and improve. Shall head off to do Econs project (:

Ending off with a smile (:

(P/s: Sorry for the big faces :/)

#110 - Last Summer

Finally returned from that horrible holiday.

CTs ended last wednesday. 

Kinda late being here, talking about it. 

Well, I was 70% prepared for most of the papers and I'd say I had given my 69.99% from my 70% of preparation.

This CT felt important, yet the feeling you get after finishing it ain't nothing special. I remember how I use to experience a great sense of relieve and excitement after the end of CTs. For now, maybe no, not that much as before. I would say that this has been a routine and it will always be. NJ, papers after papers, never getting any excitement out of any. Not really expecting much from these CTs, just believing that I would be performing at least better than half of the cohort, to make myself feel better. After every paper, doubts, confusion and shocked. No anger, no satisfaction, nothing. It just felt like any other papers this year. 

I would say that I really did my best in answering all the questions even though I don't know how to. At least trying is better than giving up, but not all the time though. Just like in economics, when you should spend time on evaluation if you're confident of getting marks, than building up an additional point which limits your score. Agree, totally.

Well, really not expecting much this time. Perhaps clearing all papers will be what I want. To pass all of them, at least a D.

I wouldn't say I want any As but it'd be good to have a handful even though I doubt that I'll get any, given my  responses to the papers. What's over, is over, no point crying over spilled milk.

Setting targets, somewhat, somehow important. I'm really hoping that I can pass all my subjects. My tutors have told me to set targets. I shall list them down before getting back my papers next week. I wonder, if I will be able to achieve my goals, just like how I did in the past.

Expectations:

GP - C / D

Mathematics - A / B

Chemistry - B / C

Physics - C / D

Economics - C / D

Pretty similar for most of the papers, a pass and above Cs. Those are my targets. Actually, I find it quite amusing how my targets actually coincide with what DL wants us to achieve, although I find it particularly ridiculous for us to be banned from CCA if we do not obtain 5Cs or better, unlike the school's standard of 2-4Us or better. 

See the difference? 

Whatever the result is, I'll accept it. In Nj, I've learnt a lot in accepting. Accepting defeats, one of my best lessons learnt in JC. Yes, I'm so used to being defeated, but at the end of the day, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 Hockey, somewhere I wish to excel but have yet to. Yesterday before training, I told myself, yet another training, I'm too tired for it. But I guess, it's really mind over body. I ran the 2.4km alone but doing better this time round after not running or training endurance for like a month.

 Awesome isn't it?

Surprisingly, I got so motivated after the run. My passion started to burn more and more feel for hockey just appeared. I was able to perform whatever coach wants or says, way better than before. Totally, yesterday was indescribable. Yes, I can see everyone improving, but somehow I feel that I improved way more for yesterday. I know this sounds egoistic but I really saw the difference. What's most motivating is that even though I already know myself that I'm not the better players, but after what he said, I felt really good. 

" The three of you are weaker than the rest of the team, but I can see that you [turns to me] are improving, you can do what I want you to do and you can listen and understand well, what I want all of you to do. The rest, more or less are still okay. "

To be honest, I felt rather sad when he spoke the first line, but what came after that was better. I chose not to be affected by the first and be motivated by the second. Constructive criticisms or should I say truth, hurts. However, mind over body, with that, I'm really gonna work double hard as compared to the rest of the team and give my best in every training and matches before stand down after July. 

There's match in another 15 hours time. I shall crash now, as an athlete. Goodnight (:

#109 - 27'09, My Second Family

2 weeks without updating, and I'm once again well received by this little space.

Alright, gonna keep this short since it's like 230am in the morning and I still have some revision to do later. 

Yeah, my holiday is screwed, thanks to this Common test. 

To me,

Physics is just physically challenging.

Chemistry is chemically interesting.

Maths is mathematically frustrating.

Economics is economically confusing.

General Paper is generally boring.

Yes, the parts and parcel of being an Njcian, with the common test commonly demanding and nationally stressful.

I don't feel as much stress as last year, when I should really be right now. Things have change pretty much and I'm seriously starting to hate the fact that I'm being such a lazy me. I used to not leave the house or touch twitter for 30days. I'm being honest here! But now, look at me, I can't even leave my phone for like an hour. Even if I do, when it comes to break time, the break duration simply exceeds the number of hours I study. I'm really tired. I'm really in need of a good long break. I'm really in need of motivation. Sometimes, I ask myself, why not give up, then comes again, I think of the reason why I held on. Yet again, it revolves around the word why, why hold on when you know it's hard to do so. 

BECAUSE I CARE. 

That's all that I can say. I care for my future, I care about my dignity and pride in front of others, and exactly, I care much, just too much. Sometimes I should really let go of some things and direct more attention to simply myself. I shouldn't care about why others are doing better or otherwise. 

After the CTs, be it good or bad, I know I didn't study at my best during this holidays. I shall spend the one week break, reflecting about myself and be more optimistic since the law of attraction applies here! I shall read about the secret of it someday, yeah just any other day I guess. Really need to let myself rest after a tiring continuous process of doing homework and slack-mug. Yeah, the tiring routine of Jc is the reason why when it comes to CTs, your mind just go: BORING. 

Anyway, really tried my best to control my slackiness, or maybe not. I did put in effort though, and you reap what you sow. Wish me best of luck for CTs, I really do not wish to fail any subjects, especially physics and econs and Gp. Okay for maths and chemistry too. Don't want to disappoint my really awesome teachers I have here.

Content getting dull and repetitive I know, cliche too. Okay back to awesomeness. A bounce back from the gloominesssssssss =__=

Great, finally met with my awesome friends, 5 years of friendship each, and that's half a decade. Oh yeah, and have I said this before? One of them has a decade old of friendship with me (: Proud of it!

Headed to ECP with these people who I really miss, the attitude of this class never changes and this is the reason why I love them. They are the people who I can relate to, share my secrets with and have fun with. Compared to friends or should I say students in NJC, life is so different. I remember what touched me the most was when these bunch of friends asked me how's school and they told me things to make me feel better.

To be really honest, I've yet to find a substitute for these people because you don't find them in NJ. NSKs like us just have that swag that kids from elite schools don't have. They don't know what's clubbin', don't know how to play pool, don't know how to ice skate, don't know what is called creating nuisance in public without being AA, being cool, not going OMG when someone swears, and the list is not exhaustive. I know this may be offensive but come on, put yourselves in my freaking pairs of shoes. I'm already being nice, not listing worst things that they have asked me. Eg. Where is town? FACEPALM TOTALLY.

I've really met the other side of Singapore, yes and for now I'm pretty satisfied with myself in being able to find where I stand. May not be the best, but sure that us NSKs have better GK than most of the muggers in NJC.  

Whatever, seriously. Back to topic :D.

Photos Exhibition, Let's go!

With Camwhore expert, Angela (:

  

I don't know what's with this trend of 4 pictures in one, but most girls like taking such photos!

Yeah and sorry for the blurry pictures, you know Iphones.

With Chuxuan (:

With Angeline (: 

That mysterious ray of light on my face?!!!

10 years of friendship, Janice Ong (: 

Congrats, can get promotion to loyal fan already :P

With Justina (:

With Max! (: 

Sorry, I'll stop growing taller! Promise.

MiniGroupShots!!

Watch my shirt grow some heads!

Haha, keeding~

Yeah, Wenwei's head kinda scary :/

My Mini heart for everyone! (L) :D

Taupok Sessions, as always. Forgive me for my face :/

Then it was Full Shots :D Awesome!!! Family Photos~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

The cool kids, the rest call it the Poly Pose!, In Jc, BUT I LIKE :D Family Bonded as one!

JC life, a.k.a. mugger life ): But everyone's damn cute in this picture. Except the part on the bottom left though, book rated, R21.

My favourite photo of the day :D

And somehow, someone managed to zoom in to my face and took a picture. Thanksxzczxcxzczxc. -.-

Yeah, last picture. 

Forever alone for the win!

And, Goodnight, oh wait. Time to get motion sickness in Circular motions before I sleep :P

#108 - Hopeless or Hope less, time will tell.

 To be honest, I've never thought of giving up myself in Hockey. I'm really passionate about hockey, just that I still have a lot to do in terms of working harder. Things just didn't work out the way I want them to today, and for that, heartfelt apologies to Coach for disappointing him. I really hope that he will not give up on me because I've not given up on hockey. If that thought were to ever cross his mind, I hope he would also think of the reason why he held on to the choice of training me. I know I'm over-thinking, but then again, such things do happen in life. You're never able to predict whether someone has totally given up on you until the day you got so lost and confused. That day, I'd never want it to arrive, because in hockey I believe, in hockey I'm passionate, and in life, I don't give up, easily.

Pardon me for the demoralizing beginning. 

Yes, I'm really pissed off with myself today. I've never felt so bad before for trainings. I've committed way too many mistakes which aren't inevitable. I know I can do better, but why didn't I?

I did so many things wrongly today, partly due to my meals being screwed.

As an athlete, I've failed to comply to the most basic rule ever. I didn't fill myself with energy today. I only had that raisin bun that Pam bought for me this afternoon. For that, I blame myself, and actually, for the rest of the mistakes too.

I shouldn't do hits, as told by my ex-ViceCapt. I should focus on my basics, which I failed to. I was supposed to deflect a goal, which I didn't cause I was too tired thanks to my screwed up meals. I should have played the match with NYP people better, by (man-on)-ing the three opponents who dashed to me as I played down the line. I know I could've done something better. Even when one pushed me from the back, one cut in from my left, one had a head-on dash with me, by playing down the line, why should I fear them and then just lose possession? Simple things, which can be accomplished easily, yet undone. Useless, way too minute to describe my magnitude of uselessness perhaps. Even though like what Daniel said, it wasn't entirely my fault cause there was no one to support me, and the fact that he would also be at a lost if he was in my shoes, but still, I made a mistake. From coach's eyes, I could see that he was so pissed with me for not being able to overcome my weaknesses. I'm really sorry for letting you down. 

Yeah.

And to LimMin (even though you may not be reading),

please do not worry about the bruise on my left arm. It's really not your fault. I know that I'm in the wrong cause I wasn't around 5 yards away, 4 yards I would say. It's really not your fault for my injury so please don't feel so bad. Thanks for caring anyway (:

This fear that I have when being charged towards, I'll have to overcome it. No more coming up with excuses such as joining hockey late, hence missed my basics. I could have stayed back everyday to train my basics, for which I didn't. I only have myself to blame. 

Exactly. 

I spend so much time wishing that I can play hockey well. Well, if the time were to be channelled to training by myself, I would see myself in a better situation.  I mind so much about not being able to be as good as others, and wish that by training at home it may help. Well, that did, but still I wished for too much.

All those goals that I scored during mini matches, were they based on skills? I don't think so. Scoring the most goals doesn't mean I'm good, it just shows that I'm comfortable playing my Left wing position when in school. I seriously need to do more practices, and stop wishing!

My favourite quote ever since Ms Koid gave me the card with this quote. 

Live my dream, wear my passion.

I'll have to play hard after CTs just to pull myself back up. I'm like the water droplets at the bottom of the well, while others continue rising up as water vapours. I really want to be in First 11 next year, and that's my dream. Hope I'll be able to get at least a position, if not, I'd really be sad.

Anyway, coach placed me as a right wing today. My second time playing right wing. To be honest, I've played Left wing for too many times, amounting to infinity that I get very weak when playing right wing. This might be why I sucked so badly today, being the worst player on pitch. Horrible.

I'm still thinking right now, about which position I should play. It's really tough to even think about whether coach will put me in first 11 or not. Given that he usually make us play 4-4-2, I think I hardly have any chance. 

Most probable first 11.

Goalie - ShiHan.

Last Man - Cedric.

Left Defence - ZhanPeng

Right Defence - Jing Yu

Stopper - Benson

Left Mid - Chunyi

Centre Mid - Weiyang

Centre Mid - Isaac/Thenappa

Right Mid - Daniel

Left Wing - ChunWeng

Right Wing -Thenappa/Isaac

Well, you don't see my name. I guess I'll have to stop thinking about this and play my best because if I play well and not waste time thinking of these things, I will play better and can help the team.

Must always remind myself, I came into hockey because of my passion, not because I want to impress coach. I joined hockey with the purpose to play well and not to impress, once again.

Shall work hard and may the days ahead be better (:!

Anyway, thanks to these people for motivating me. 

(Not-in-any-order)

Thenappa

Fatima

YingMei

ZhanPeng

Justina

Awesome people out there, thanks for caring, I'm fine now. Hope you guys will be good too (:

#107 - Disheartened Passion

I'm back from Hockey BBQ! Indeed an awesome one even though there wasn't much bonding done.

I'm really tired right now, to sleep at 4am yesterday, then waking up at 9am and rushing down to National Library to complete GPP, then back to YewTee for BBQ. 

Sometimes, you just have the strength to handle all these stuff together regardless of how drain you are. For that, I'm quite proud of myself since I've completed GPP! (: Huge obstacle ahead, yet I'm gonna tear it down like what I've always been doing, overcoming obstacles. 

To be honest, what I heard hours ago was really saddening. Yes, if you do not know, we are most likely the last batch of hockey juniors. I'd really mad if you still ask me what this means. I'm really disheartened. To be honest, why hockey? I know that academically we have been performing just like any other average student in the school, and in terms of Nationals itself, we performed better than other CCAs. Although the school has to take into account of the existence of other CCAs that has been with NJ for nearly a third of the century, but please note that our seniors performed very well this year. The girls even went into top 6. This means that we are capable of achieving even higher. 

I'm really at a lost.

 I can't say much, just totally moodless to mention hockey now. My passion for hockey still burns, and I know I have to play my best not only for Nationals next year, but in every game of hockey. However the thought of us being the last batch of juniors, I can't let it go. It's affecting me to a certain extent, because I think I'm too obsessed with hockey. I know myself, that I place academics before hockey, but it is hockey where I foster awesome friendships and discipline myself. Did some soul-searching and still, Academics> Hockey > any other things. I'm really wishing that hockey could last for at least the next decade. I'm sitting here praying. 

Really, disheartened.

#106 - Culmination

Last night, the epitome of awesomeness.

Awesome people.

Awesome dance party.

Awesome night.

It'd been some time since all hell broke loose. I lost my mind yesterday in that wonderful hyped up atmosphere. Yeah, I attended NJCBS Formal Dinner last night. I really couldn't express much on  how I felt last night. Being able to dance on the stage, amounting up to around 50+ songs, with so many people watching you. This can never be better. One of my life goals is to be able to express myself in front of others on stage and give them my best. I wouldn't say I gave my best yesterday, but nevertheless, it was too memorable. To be dancing to people and them dancing back at you, how rare these opportunities are. 

I've seen so much, heard so much, felt so much. I couldn't go any higher than that yesterday. I was like at the peak of the day, being hyped up, and high up. The atmosphere was simply good, with people joining in the dance and that's when you see who are the potential people who can bring you fun when going clubbing with them. Did I mention I was flying in the air for once? Okay, I think I didn't. That was mad crazyyyyy. My mind was already flying high up and then I was carried and spun in the air for like 10 times. First time in my life I'm flying! (: 

I really miss boarding, and I kind of regret not taking a lot of pictures yesterday. I miss waking up at 645am instead, and then having breakfast. I miss rushing to tap fingers together with 12. I miss those nights after dinner, when we played saboteur etc. I miss the formal dinner.

I miss so many things. These are what I've brought away from boarding and I wish that in return, NJCSB has received my love! Haha.

Can't think of anything else to say. 

Let the pictures talk.

Hockey Family' 2012/13

<3

Hockey Guys team, plus GRACE & SYAFIQAH!

Oops, and JOAN. C. 

Classmates' 12. 

I know I should have gotten that bow tie to match my attire. Nevermind, next year's Prom gonna be good. 

Hockey Dudes (:!

With my bro, Chunyi! (: The best friend you can ever find!

Yeah, sorry for the outdated picture!

NJC ETUDE, Band concert. (:

(": Cheers & Happy Holidays~

#105 - Board. Boarding. Boarded.

`Tonight,
We are young
So let set the world on fire,
we can burn brighter,
than the sun~


Looking back, three weeks ago. 

I made my way along the long stretch of road that extends to the entrance of boarding. 

Yes, I'm boarding right now, and tomorrow is my last day of boarding. Feelings? I guess it's pretty mixed, considering the various boons and banes of boarding. Reduced travelling time, something I've always wanted, but I guess the saying that good things and bad things always go in pair still stands. With daily programmes, I hardly see any difference in managing time. Sieving out extra time seems like find needle in a haystack. I constantly see myself being unable to resist the temptations of the bed. Yeah, it has been calling for me ever since the first day I boarded. I'm always in a dilemma, to complete my homework while being fully exhausted by daily programmes, or to sleep. 

Whatever it is, I still passed my days well, I guess.

Boarding, a brand new dawn, and the homework also started piling in since it's the end of the semester. I guess I really need to start working hard after receiving setbacks that come in subsequently. Each blow is a new wake up call. Carelessness, and nervousness, my present obstacles. I thought carelessness was well controlled, after all it really was. Yeah, and if you didn't catch that, my carelessness IS back. 

Simple.
I need to start spending more time on my academics given that seasons are over even though I know that more trainings await me in the june holidays. Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, days that I'd be sacrificing for hockey. Stamina has been going low in the recent days, that kind of saddens me. I want to get back my peak stamina. Being a well balanced athlete student may not seem easy, but I guess I'll have to spend my time in june wisely and work out something which can help me manage my time more efficiently.

Everything takes time and time is limited, it flies. Yeah, tomorrow is the last day of boarding, as I've said. I'm really looking forward to it. Everything at your own comfort zone, I really miss sleeping at home. It actually gets really inconvenient if you have a room mate because you have to respect one another. For that, I've made myself more disciplined and respected my room mate. Everyone has different lifestyles after all. 

I hope tomorrow's dinner going to be good. Formal dining, I got myself the clothes that I want even though they are mismatching for the dinner. I should have gotten that wine red chinos. Well, I'll settle for a beige-mustard one after all, since it's what I've been yearning for since last year. 

With boarding and leadership symposium for the last few weeks, I've spent less in school. However, my savings still amount to zero. I can't seem to be able to manage my expenses well. I'm always overspending on my meals, eating too much, with days that ended with 7 meals. I really need to control what i eat and how much I save. If my friends can save $100 per month, so can I. Of course, I will not starve myself. :/

It's really humid here in boarding that I'm visiting the bathhouse 3 times per day. Guess I won't have to experience that any more. (:  

Shall spend the holidays ahead well.

Academics.

Project Work.

Hockey.

Rest.

Let's do this! (: