To be honest, I've never thought of giving up myself in Hockey. I'm really passionate about hockey, just that I still have a lot to do in terms of working harder. Things just didn't work out the way I want them to today, and for that, heartfelt apologies to Coach for disappointing him. I really hope that he will not give up on me because I've not given up on hockey. If that thought were to ever cross his mind, I hope he would also think of the reason why he held on to the choice of training me. I know I'm over-thinking, but then again, such things do happen in life. You're never able to predict whether someone has totally given up on you until the day you got so lost and confused. That day, I'd never want it to arrive, because in hockey I believe, in hockey I'm passionate, and in life, I don't give up, easily.
Pardon me for the demoralizing beginning.
Yes, I'm really pissed off with myself today. I've never felt so bad before for trainings. I've committed way too many mistakes which aren't inevitable. I know I can do better, but why didn't I?
I did so many things wrongly today, partly due to my meals being screwed.
As an athlete, I've failed to comply to the most basic rule ever. I didn't fill myself with energy today. I only had that raisin bun that Pam bought for me this afternoon. For that, I blame myself, and actually, for the rest of the mistakes too.
I shouldn't do hits, as told by my ex-ViceCapt. I should focus on my basics, which I failed to. I was supposed to deflect a goal, which I didn't cause I was too tired thanks to my screwed up meals. I should have played the match with NYP people better, by (man-on)-ing the three opponents who dashed to me as I played down the line. I know I could've done something better. Even when one pushed me from the back, one cut in from my left, one had a head-on dash with me, by playing down the line, why should I fear them and then just lose possession? Simple things, which can be accomplished easily, yet undone. Useless, way too minute to describe my magnitude of uselessness perhaps. Even though like what Daniel said, it wasn't entirely my fault cause there was no one to support me, and the fact that he would also be at a lost if he was in my shoes, but still, I made a mistake. From coach's eyes, I could see that he was so pissed with me for not being able to overcome my weaknesses. I'm really sorry for letting you down.
Yeah.
And to LimMin (even though you may not be reading),
please do not worry about the bruise on my left arm. It's really not your fault. I know that I'm in the wrong cause I wasn't around 5 yards away, 4 yards I would say. It's really not your fault for my injury so please don't feel so bad. Thanks for caring anyway (:
This fear that I have when being charged towards, I'll have to overcome it. No more coming up with excuses such as joining hockey late, hence missed my basics. I could have stayed back everyday to train my basics, for which I didn't. I only have myself to blame.
Exactly.
I spend so much time wishing that I can play hockey well. Well, if the time were to be channelled to training by myself, I would see myself in a better situation. I mind so much about not being able to be as good as others, and wish that by training at home it may help. Well, that did, but still I wished for too much.
All those goals that I scored during mini matches, were they based on skills? I don't think so. Scoring the most goals doesn't mean I'm good, it just shows that I'm comfortable playing my Left wing position when in school. I seriously need to do more practices, and stop wishing!
My favourite quote ever since Ms Koid gave me the card with this quote.
Live my dream, wear my passion.
I'll have to play hard after CTs just to pull myself back up. I'm like the water droplets at the bottom of the well, while others continue rising up as water vapours. I really want to be in First 11 next year, and that's my dream. Hope I'll be able to get at least a position, if not, I'd really be sad.
Anyway, coach placed me as a right wing today. My second time playing right wing. To be honest, I've played Left wing for too many times, amounting to infinity that I get very weak when playing right wing. This might be why I sucked so badly today, being the worst player on pitch. Horrible.
I'm still thinking right now, about which position I should play. It's really tough to even think about whether coach will put me in first 11 or not. Given that he usually make us play 4-4-2, I think I hardly have any chance.
Most probable first 11.
Goalie - ShiHan.
Last Man - Cedric.
Left Defence - ZhanPeng
Right Defence - Jing Yu
Stopper - Benson
Left Mid - Chunyi
Centre Mid - Weiyang
Centre Mid - Isaac/Thenappa
Right Mid - Daniel
Left Wing - ChunWeng
Right Wing -Thenappa/Isaac
Well, you don't see my name. I guess I'll have to stop thinking about this and play my best because if I play well and not waste time thinking of these things, I will play better and can help the team.
Must always remind myself, I came into hockey because of my passion, not because I want to impress coach. I joined hockey with the purpose to play well and not to impress, once again.
Shall work hard and may the days ahead be better (:!
Anyway, thanks to these people for motivating me.
(Not-in-any-order)
Thenappa
Fatima
YingMei
ZhanPeng
Justina
Awesome people out there, thanks for caring, I'm fine now. Hope you guys will be good too (:
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