#116 - You gotta get up and try, and try, and try.

Tell me why, you're so hard to forget.

Don't remind me, I'm not over it.

Tell me why, I can't seem to face the truth,

I'm just a little too not over you.

David Archuleta's songs on replay alongside with other old songs. Reminiscing the past, all these relaxing music, I really need them now. I wish time could just stop at this very moment, because right now, music is my best friend. Even though there isn't school everyday, but doing project work alone really drains all your energy. No kidding, it cause brain dead easily in a few hours. Music, the only thing to accompany me.

Actually, I really don't know what to do right now. Hiccups here and there for Project work, don't even know if we are editing the written report the right way. The desire for A is there, the willingness to work hard is there, yet is it enough? 

Many people tell me, it's easy to get an A. Yeah, only after you've gotten one and you can say that. Plus, the topic this year ain't easy. I'm getting insecure. I don't want to get a bad grade for PW. I'll only settle for A. I can totally imagine how much dismay I would be in if I failed to do well. This brings back the haunting of PSLE, and then questions will start filling me up. I've work hard to redeem myself from O levels, but was it right choice? Doing well, no harm, yet the workload now and the stress levels. Is it worth it? It will require me tonnes of courage to tell myself, I can do it and I can do it well enough. Where is that motivation? 

I gotta get up and try, and try, and try. How easy to say that. I've been met with obstacles after obstacles after obstacles. Yes, it's good to stand taller than the obstacles, but doesn't everyone have a point in time when the cycle gets so tiring and boring? What's the point of standing taller and being stronger when you will have to repeat the whole process over and over again? I don't know why. Maybe anyone who reads this post can give me my answer. I really want to know.

Where there is desire,
There is gonna be a flame.
Where there is a flame, 
Someone's bound to get burned.
But just because it burns,
Doesn't mean you're gonna die.

Yeah, that's more painful than death. 

You just have to try harder each time, but it might not be worth it. 

I'm so lost right now. I on't have a wall to lean on for support. I don't have a guided path or direction. 

Who will be there for me if I fail to reach my targets?

 Who will be there to lend a listening ear? 

Project work, just let me Ace you. I can't think of what to do now, and with no motivation, I can only tell myself to really do my best. I really want an A. So much effort put in, so much time spent on PW, please be worth it.

That aside, orientation 2013 is arriving. Orientation group leader application starts tomorrow. Should I take up the position? Many people wants me to be an OGL. Yet, deep inside, I know that I want to try, but I don't know if I'm ready for it. I know my results this time wouldn't be as good as before.

Right now, I'm just like a fish outta the water. 

I just want to attain at least a D for all subjects for overall marks.

I just want an A for PW.

I just want to have orientation right now and bring fun to people.

If the first two wants are fulfilled eventually, I promise to study hard and not slack away my year next year, to play well for Hockey 'A' divisions and U21, and be a better person. I PROMISE. 

Alright, time to just lay by the bed and drown all the sorrows in music.

I've got to, keep holding on, because you know I'll make it through, I'll make it through.