#109 - 27'09, My Second Family

2 weeks without updating, and I'm once again well received by this little space.

Alright, gonna keep this short since it's like 230am in the morning and I still have some revision to do later. 

Yeah, my holiday is screwed, thanks to this Common test. 

To me,

Physics is just physically challenging.

Chemistry is chemically interesting.

Maths is mathematically frustrating.

Economics is economically confusing.

General Paper is generally boring.

Yes, the parts and parcel of being an Njcian, with the common test commonly demanding and nationally stressful.

I don't feel as much stress as last year, when I should really be right now. Things have change pretty much and I'm seriously starting to hate the fact that I'm being such a lazy me. I used to not leave the house or touch twitter for 30days. I'm being honest here! But now, look at me, I can't even leave my phone for like an hour. Even if I do, when it comes to break time, the break duration simply exceeds the number of hours I study. I'm really tired. I'm really in need of a good long break. I'm really in need of motivation. Sometimes, I ask myself, why not give up, then comes again, I think of the reason why I held on. Yet again, it revolves around the word why, why hold on when you know it's hard to do so. 

BECAUSE I CARE. 

That's all that I can say. I care for my future, I care about my dignity and pride in front of others, and exactly, I care much, just too much. Sometimes I should really let go of some things and direct more attention to simply myself. I shouldn't care about why others are doing better or otherwise. 

After the CTs, be it good or bad, I know I didn't study at my best during this holidays. I shall spend the one week break, reflecting about myself and be more optimistic since the law of attraction applies here! I shall read about the secret of it someday, yeah just any other day I guess. Really need to let myself rest after a tiring continuous process of doing homework and slack-mug. Yeah, the tiring routine of Jc is the reason why when it comes to CTs, your mind just go: BORING. 

Anyway, really tried my best to control my slackiness, or maybe not. I did put in effort though, and you reap what you sow. Wish me best of luck for CTs, I really do not wish to fail any subjects, especially physics and econs and Gp. Okay for maths and chemistry too. Don't want to disappoint my really awesome teachers I have here.

Content getting dull and repetitive I know, cliche too. Okay back to awesomeness. A bounce back from the gloominesssssssss =__=

Great, finally met with my awesome friends, 5 years of friendship each, and that's half a decade. Oh yeah, and have I said this before? One of them has a decade old of friendship with me (: Proud of it!

Headed to ECP with these people who I really miss, the attitude of this class never changes and this is the reason why I love them. They are the people who I can relate to, share my secrets with and have fun with. Compared to friends or should I say students in NJC, life is so different. I remember what touched me the most was when these bunch of friends asked me how's school and they told me things to make me feel better.

To be really honest, I've yet to find a substitute for these people because you don't find them in NJ. NSKs like us just have that swag that kids from elite schools don't have. They don't know what's clubbin', don't know how to play pool, don't know how to ice skate, don't know what is called creating nuisance in public without being AA, being cool, not going OMG when someone swears, and the list is not exhaustive. I know this may be offensive but come on, put yourselves in my freaking pairs of shoes. I'm already being nice, not listing worst things that they have asked me. Eg. Where is town? FACEPALM TOTALLY.

I've really met the other side of Singapore, yes and for now I'm pretty satisfied with myself in being able to find where I stand. May not be the best, but sure that us NSKs have better GK than most of the muggers in NJC.  

Whatever, seriously. Back to topic :D.

Photos Exhibition, Let's go!

With Camwhore expert, Angela (:

  

I don't know what's with this trend of 4 pictures in one, but most girls like taking such photos!

Yeah and sorry for the blurry pictures, you know Iphones.

With Chuxuan (:

With Angeline (: 

That mysterious ray of light on my face?!!!

10 years of friendship, Janice Ong (: 

Congrats, can get promotion to loyal fan already :P

With Justina (:

With Max! (: 

Sorry, I'll stop growing taller! Promise.

MiniGroupShots!!

Watch my shirt grow some heads!

Haha, keeding~

Yeah, Wenwei's head kinda scary :/

My Mini heart for everyone! (L) :D

Taupok Sessions, as always. Forgive me for my face :/

Then it was Full Shots :D Awesome!!! Family Photos~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

The cool kids, the rest call it the Poly Pose!, In Jc, BUT I LIKE :D Family Bonded as one!

JC life, a.k.a. mugger life ): But everyone's damn cute in this picture. Except the part on the bottom left though, book rated, R21.

My favourite photo of the day :D

And somehow, someone managed to zoom in to my face and took a picture. Thanksxzczxcxzczxc. -.-

Yeah, last picture. 

Forever alone for the win!

And, Goodnight, oh wait. Time to get motion sickness in Circular motions before I sleep :P

#108 - Hopeless or Hope less, time will tell.

 To be honest, I've never thought of giving up myself in Hockey. I'm really passionate about hockey, just that I still have a lot to do in terms of working harder. Things just didn't work out the way I want them to today, and for that, heartfelt apologies to Coach for disappointing him. I really hope that he will not give up on me because I've not given up on hockey. If that thought were to ever cross his mind, I hope he would also think of the reason why he held on to the choice of training me. I know I'm over-thinking, but then again, such things do happen in life. You're never able to predict whether someone has totally given up on you until the day you got so lost and confused. That day, I'd never want it to arrive, because in hockey I believe, in hockey I'm passionate, and in life, I don't give up, easily.

Pardon me for the demoralizing beginning. 

Yes, I'm really pissed off with myself today. I've never felt so bad before for trainings. I've committed way too many mistakes which aren't inevitable. I know I can do better, but why didn't I?

I did so many things wrongly today, partly due to my meals being screwed.

As an athlete, I've failed to comply to the most basic rule ever. I didn't fill myself with energy today. I only had that raisin bun that Pam bought for me this afternoon. For that, I blame myself, and actually, for the rest of the mistakes too.

I shouldn't do hits, as told by my ex-ViceCapt. I should focus on my basics, which I failed to. I was supposed to deflect a goal, which I didn't cause I was too tired thanks to my screwed up meals. I should have played the match with NYP people better, by (man-on)-ing the three opponents who dashed to me as I played down the line. I know I could've done something better. Even when one pushed me from the back, one cut in from my left, one had a head-on dash with me, by playing down the line, why should I fear them and then just lose possession? Simple things, which can be accomplished easily, yet undone. Useless, way too minute to describe my magnitude of uselessness perhaps. Even though like what Daniel said, it wasn't entirely my fault cause there was no one to support me, and the fact that he would also be at a lost if he was in my shoes, but still, I made a mistake. From coach's eyes, I could see that he was so pissed with me for not being able to overcome my weaknesses. I'm really sorry for letting you down. 

Yeah.

And to LimMin (even though you may not be reading),

please do not worry about the bruise on my left arm. It's really not your fault. I know that I'm in the wrong cause I wasn't around 5 yards away, 4 yards I would say. It's really not your fault for my injury so please don't feel so bad. Thanks for caring anyway (:

This fear that I have when being charged towards, I'll have to overcome it. No more coming up with excuses such as joining hockey late, hence missed my basics. I could have stayed back everyday to train my basics, for which I didn't. I only have myself to blame. 

Exactly. 

I spend so much time wishing that I can play hockey well. Well, if the time were to be channelled to training by myself, I would see myself in a better situation.  I mind so much about not being able to be as good as others, and wish that by training at home it may help. Well, that did, but still I wished for too much.

All those goals that I scored during mini matches, were they based on skills? I don't think so. Scoring the most goals doesn't mean I'm good, it just shows that I'm comfortable playing my Left wing position when in school. I seriously need to do more practices, and stop wishing!

My favourite quote ever since Ms Koid gave me the card with this quote. 

Live my dream, wear my passion.

I'll have to play hard after CTs just to pull myself back up. I'm like the water droplets at the bottom of the well, while others continue rising up as water vapours. I really want to be in First 11 next year, and that's my dream. Hope I'll be able to get at least a position, if not, I'd really be sad.

Anyway, coach placed me as a right wing today. My second time playing right wing. To be honest, I've played Left wing for too many times, amounting to infinity that I get very weak when playing right wing. This might be why I sucked so badly today, being the worst player on pitch. Horrible.

I'm still thinking right now, about which position I should play. It's really tough to even think about whether coach will put me in first 11 or not. Given that he usually make us play 4-4-2, I think I hardly have any chance. 

Most probable first 11.

Goalie - ShiHan.

Last Man - Cedric.

Left Defence - ZhanPeng

Right Defence - Jing Yu

Stopper - Benson

Left Mid - Chunyi

Centre Mid - Weiyang

Centre Mid - Isaac/Thenappa

Right Mid - Daniel

Left Wing - ChunWeng

Right Wing -Thenappa/Isaac

Well, you don't see my name. I guess I'll have to stop thinking about this and play my best because if I play well and not waste time thinking of these things, I will play better and can help the team.

Must always remind myself, I came into hockey because of my passion, not because I want to impress coach. I joined hockey with the purpose to play well and not to impress, once again.

Shall work hard and may the days ahead be better (:!

Anyway, thanks to these people for motivating me. 

(Not-in-any-order)

Thenappa

Fatima

YingMei

ZhanPeng

Justina

Awesome people out there, thanks for caring, I'm fine now. Hope you guys will be good too (:

#107 - Disheartened Passion

I'm back from Hockey BBQ! Indeed an awesome one even though there wasn't much bonding done.

I'm really tired right now, to sleep at 4am yesterday, then waking up at 9am and rushing down to National Library to complete GPP, then back to YewTee for BBQ. 

Sometimes, you just have the strength to handle all these stuff together regardless of how drain you are. For that, I'm quite proud of myself since I've completed GPP! (: Huge obstacle ahead, yet I'm gonna tear it down like what I've always been doing, overcoming obstacles. 

To be honest, what I heard hours ago was really saddening. Yes, if you do not know, we are most likely the last batch of hockey juniors. I'd really mad if you still ask me what this means. I'm really disheartened. To be honest, why hockey? I know that academically we have been performing just like any other average student in the school, and in terms of Nationals itself, we performed better than other CCAs. Although the school has to take into account of the existence of other CCAs that has been with NJ for nearly a third of the century, but please note that our seniors performed very well this year. The girls even went into top 6. This means that we are capable of achieving even higher. 

I'm really at a lost.

 I can't say much, just totally moodless to mention hockey now. My passion for hockey still burns, and I know I have to play my best not only for Nationals next year, but in every game of hockey. However the thought of us being the last batch of juniors, I can't let it go. It's affecting me to a certain extent, because I think I'm too obsessed with hockey. I know myself, that I place academics before hockey, but it is hockey where I foster awesome friendships and discipline myself. Did some soul-searching and still, Academics> Hockey > any other things. I'm really wishing that hockey could last for at least the next decade. I'm sitting here praying. 

Really, disheartened.