#125 - 언젠간 멈출 테니까 Cause one day, I'll stop.

난 괜찮다잖아

Or simply

...

I'm fine.

Have been stuck at home for the past few days with this drowsy weather. All these drowsy spells, deterring me from trying to sit down and read a book or at least something pertinent to my exams. This kinda suck and falling asleep every moment doesn't help in any way.

I swear I fell asleep three times today.

Been kinda lazy this year and this is really not what I should be doing, considering that it's As this year and CTs was a total wake up call. Trust me, you won't even want to hear about it cause it's barely a pass for the overall. Sometimes, I just wonder if I've chosen the right path, because I'm not getting the desired results, neither do I love the way my schedule is. 

Then again, I tell myself. I've come so far and shouldn't regret. What's done, has been done. Gonna suck it up and embrace myself. 

Time is running out.

 It flies, it really does.

 I have really been a bad pilot, because I don't feel comfortable in my flight of time.

 I wished I could have at least worked twice as hard each day until now and I will feel better. But what's the past, is history and tomorrow will never be the same again. I've really regretted not putting enough effort and what's the worse is to see others enjoying and doing well, but you're just unprepared. I have only one last leap of faith for the remaining 58 days. I know deep down inside, that it is not really possible for me to have my preliminary grades increase by 16 in total. For that I've screwed up pretty much for the papers done. 

Now there is only something left to do, which is to work hard for the rest of the papers. Mind over body, but I don't know if it's the body being undeserving or the mind. Every time I motivate myself, only to find myself not doing what I promised to, hours ago. Sleep is not helping either. I'm really confused if my mind is mentally tired or is it my body which is physically tired. Really hope that my grades can increase by 10 in total to make myself happier, at the very least, an A for math. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm gonna keep trying. I really need someone to discipline me too and let's hope that the universal force out there will help me through next week and make my grades really jump! 

At the end of the day, it still holds true that prelims ain't everything and As should be the ultimate goal instead.

 Yeah, pretty much to remind myself about. 

Really wish for good news somehow, after prelims, while I'll be mugging my way through and find back the joy of studying and the happiness I used to have two years back. 

Being that sincere, cause I'm afraid that one day, I'll stop. 

Hope that that day will never come. I don't want to see myself being disappointed like how I was for PSLE, 6 years ago. :/

Wish me luck.

#124 - Life is all about learning, isn't it?

After a storm, there will always be sunshine and maybe,

a rainbow if you let it.

I'm sure last week wasn't the best for me, for that I've experienced so much, for it was all human complexity. We make mistakes, but most importantly, we learn from them.

I believe it's a blessing in disguise.

I've learnt to listen.

I've learnt to respect.

I've learnt about not expecting.

I've learnt what loyalty is all about.

I've truly understood the principle of forgiving and forgetting.

Really wanna thank these people for teaching me moral values, which I will bring them with me throughout my life.

 To earn respect, you have to show your loyalty.

 If you can't feel any better with what you have, make the best out of it. If people don't reciprocate, let it be. The feeling of helping someone when they need it, yet not expecting anything in return, will make you feel more altruistic. After all, life is a continuous cycle of "human stumping", but you've gotta live with it. Everyone is a corporate ladder for one another. However, you can make things better, by being loyal and giving respect. Only with that, then you can be sure that others and even yourself, will be one another's safety net.

At the end of the day, question yourself.

Will you really feel better when you can view the world only when you've climbed onto someone else's shoulder?

I don't think so. 

I want to catch the view together with the people who have made it with me. 

I guess what's best is like what I've learnt, to depend on yourself, yet giving others the boost that they need because after all, you will feel better and so do they.

Henceforth, being a neutral party and looking things from different perspectives does make a difference. Not only will you be more mature in thinking, but you learn not to give quick acumens but let things happen the way they are supposed to be.

I've learnt so much, to the point that 

I feel it's indeed a turning point for me and I'm glad to have friends out there to teach me different lessons. I hereby promise to change for the better, to live for the better and to make us all feel better.

That aside, I really hope this time I will perform for my prelims and that continue to work hard and do well at 

As, before enjoying prom and probable overseas trips with my friends! Really looking forward to spending time with all these people! :)

Gonna make today a positive and productive one!

Bye :)

#123 - When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile.

162 days, I know it has been long.

I decided to come back to this space, because there's just 

too much to say, too much to care.

Wouldn't say that the first half of this year has been the best, but I guess it was after all an emotional and memory-worthy one. This year, is indeed an important one for me.

This year, I believe that I've grown so much, with the support from the people around me. They've watched me grow and I'm sure that I want to make them proud and of course, make myself proud too. First half of the year was one hell of a roller coaster ride I would say. I got thrown to my lowest from my peaks and then get dragged back upwards because many people believed that the bottom doesn't belong to me. I wouldn't fully agree to this, since you can only see where you stand after a fall.

Nevertheless, I still want to thank all these people who have been by my side and will most probably still be there, for the years to come.

Had A divisions for the first time in my entire life. 

I swear it was indeed on of the best experiences that I ever had in my life.

You get to see how much harder everyone will work so as to move an inch closer to the goal. You get to understand the pain that people feel when they get defeated. You get to witness every euphoric moment. You get to observe your opponents and read their minds. You get to scrutinise experience players and learn from them. 

Indeed, there's a lot to see. So you've got to observe everyone from a distance away, because the closer you are, the less you will see. I'm sure many will know where this maxim came from. 

Yeah, that's right. It's from the recent movie, "Now You See Me".

I'm pretty sure that this maxim is a proverbial statement for many things in life. 

Friendship. Team. Relationship. Kinship. Brotherhood.

Who disagrees?

I think it's never wise to stay too close to people because the closer you are to them, the less you will see, the more you will feel hurt. I wouldn't deny that this is a selfish statement, yet it's somehow true.

This year, I've observe myself from a distance as well. I have to admit it sucks to have drifting friendships. Some people may say it's inevitable, but I guess that after all, it depends on the parties involved.

While typing all these, everything started settling down in my mind. It may not be actually that bad to lose, because while you lose some, you gain some. I wouldn't exactly say I've lost something, but I've lost my possession over some things. The friendship between this group of people. It's kind of awkward to still stay together and talk because it is no longer the same as before. I admit I have some fault in this because I'm not trying hard neither have I tried hard enough to bring this group of people back. I really miss those times when we go out for picnic sessions at Marina Bay Sands, our Christmas party, our awesome dates at town after events. 

I constantly remind myself, it's not gonna be easy, but it's gonna be worth it.

Yet, something beats me down all the time. The lack of response from these people. I've tried to take some actions but to no avail. I really guess that the friendship is either gonna stay stagnant at the moment, or the impending end will inch closer with each passing day.

I'm sad.

I find myself drifting apart with a few of others, from you all. 

I really hope that things will get better.

This aside, like I said earlier, you lose some and you gain some. I subconsciously find myself growing way closer towards some of my teammates, a new group of people who I can put more trust into. As of now, I only have five names in my mind, the names of the people whom I trust. They share their problems with me, ask me for help, cheer me up when I'm low, motivate me to work harder, teach me how to overcome challenges, teach me new skills, learn things with me. I'm really fond of such friendships, because deep down inside, we trust each other and we know which boundaries not to cross.

 It is such friendship that I've lost in some people, yet found in another group of people. 

What a revolution.

 Although this year I wouldn't say that my academics have improved greatly, under the help of these people, I feel myself moving closer to my goals each day. Well, if you're thinking about me being scheming and using such despicable methods to move towards my goal, then you're wrong. I chose to be with this people because we have similar goals, similar interests, and most importantly, we have mutual understanding, always assuring one another by a line from the mouth, I understand how you feel, just like how I always. Academics is just a tiny puzzle piece of this whole friendship.

These people whom I really treasure as of now, you know who you are. 

G.K.D.J.Z.

I'm really thankful for you guys this year. Friends do change, but I know that you guys won't. 

T.R.U.S.T

We have that, and I will always be there for you all, just like how you all have been there for me.

People like us, we gotta stick together.

Keep our heads up, cause we know nothing last forever.

:)