Tuesday, September 10, 2013

#125 - 언젠간 멈출 테니까 Cause one day, I'll stop.

난 괜찮다잖아

Or simply

...

I'm fine.

Have been stuck at home for the past few days with this drowsy weather. All these drowsy spells, deterring me from trying to sit down and read a book or at least something pertinent to my exams. This kinda suck and falling asleep every moment doesn't help in any way.

I swear I fell asleep three times today.

Been kinda lazy this year and this is really not what I should be doing, considering that it's As this year and CTs was a total wake up call. Trust me, you won't even want to hear about it cause it's barely a pass for the overall. Sometimes, I just wonder if I've chosen the right path, because I'm not getting the desired results, neither do I love the way my schedule is. 

Then again, I tell myself. I've come so far and shouldn't regret. What's done, has been done. Gonna suck it up and embrace myself. 

Time is running out.

 It flies, it really does.

 I have really been a bad pilot, because I don't feel comfortable in my flight of time.

 I wished I could have at least worked twice as hard each day until now and I will feel better. But what's the past, is history and tomorrow will never be the same again. I've really regretted not putting enough effort and what's the worse is to see others enjoying and doing well, but you're just unprepared. I have only one last leap of faith for the remaining 58 days. I know deep down inside, that it is not really possible for me to have my preliminary grades increase by 16 in total. For that I've screwed up pretty much for the papers done. 

Now there is only something left to do, which is to work hard for the rest of the papers. Mind over body, but I don't know if it's the body being undeserving or the mind. Every time I motivate myself, only to find myself not doing what I promised to, hours ago. Sleep is not helping either. I'm really confused if my mind is mentally tired or is it my body which is physically tired. Really hope that my grades can increase by 10 in total to make myself happier, at the very least, an A for math. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm gonna keep trying. I really need someone to discipline me too and let's hope that the universal force out there will help me through next week and make my grades really jump! 

At the end of the day, it still holds true that prelims ain't everything and As should be the ultimate goal instead.
 Yeah, pretty much to remind myself about. 

Really wish for good news somehow, after prelims, while I'll be mugging my way through and find back the joy of studying and the happiness I used to have two years back. 
Being that sincere, cause I'm afraid that one day, I'll stop. 
Hope that that day will never come. I don't want to see myself being disappointed like how I was for PSLE, 6 years ago. :/

Wish me luck.


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